Some parents forget that the way they socialized their children influenced the way the children turn out to be. Children spent most of their formative years (0-18) with their parents, thus the foundation of most of their developmental are shaped by their parents. So, if we do not like how our children (as child or adult) behaved, we do not just blame them, check how we have treated them. If we insult our child for something the we thought as what went wrong, we are not leading the child the positive behavior. Negative treatment will never produced positive outcome. Thus, we need to remember the socialization experienced of the child will shape the way the child behave. Remember we are the INPUT to our child's behavior; we don't like what we see, change our INPUT to positive input...our child will then demonstrate good OUTPUT. By the way, insulting our child (child/adult child) is the worst kind of parent-child interaction...we will push the child away from us instead of coming to us. So, watch what we say or do, the impact is huge on our child. Our job is to be a good parent, insyaAllah then our child (child/adult) will turn out to be good.

Parents the most influential model

Parents if we wish our kids to be successful, We be successful first, If we wish our kids to have good akhlak, We have good akhlak first, Kids are our output, We (parents) are their input, Input influence output, Kids learn from their model, and parents are their most influential model.

Parenting a natural phenomenon?

For most of us, we become parents because we gave birth to a child. It's like we automatically become parents because we have children. We take parenting as a natural phenomenon and never once thought that it is a huge and vital task in human development. Due to such perception, we proceed our parenting job by providing what we thought as important for our children. For example, we feed them,clothed them, put them to sleep and we talk and play with them, accordingly. What we are doing is providing all the basic necessities for our child. Well, that's not wrong folks. It's just not enough! This natural way of parenting, providing just the basics, will let our child grow, but not towards holistic strength and excellence. A child needs to grow in at least four different domains: Physical, mental, social, and emotional. When what we do is only providing the basics for our child, these four areas will develop at a minimum level. If we wish for our child to achieve the optimum level, we need to go beyond the basics. For example for the physical domain, we provide our child with balance meal each time and on time, enough sleep and play & exercise, ensure that he is clean and healthy, his living environment is well organized, clean and healthy, free from dust, germs and thrash, and there's good flow of oxygen coming in and carbon dioxide going out. See folks, that's a lot of work and commitment. The same goes for the other domain, we have to work them out well in order to achieve the max. To get to the best we need to pack ourselves with the right and best knowledge (K), attitude (A), and practices (P) in parenting and child development. Parenting with good KAP will encourage good child development in all the four domains. Before this entry ends, let ask ourselves these questions...Is it good parenting on our part when our child do well academically, but not so in term of religious practices and reading the Quran? Our parenting produce good outcome for the material living, but not so for spirituality? Would letting parenting take its natural course lead to the best child outcome? InsyaaAllah, this simple entry and questions would help to trigger all parents to go beyond the natural course of parenting.

Parenting child with a flu

Your child is coming down with a flu; no big deal with that, isn't it? Wrong, it is a big deal, parents. Whether your child has flu or cold, it is important to pay attention to it. There is a difference between flu and cold. Cold affects just the head and throat, but flu typical affects the whole body. Your child will experience body ache,extreme tiredness, and on top of that she will have fever too. Usually, the fever comes in abrupt fashion; whereas cold may not come with fever at all (with exception to babies). So what do you do, parents? You will need to look after your child especially if it is a flu. If she is still a young child, the more she needs your attention and care. So, check on your child often. Taking your child to the doctor is off course a good move particularly, when her fever seems high and she is vomiting. Flu may not only trigger your child to vomit, but can also make her feels dizzy. If your child is older, it is advisable not to let your child to drive; perhaps giving paracetamol (for younger child, let a doctor prescribe the medicines for her) can help your older child, plus drinking enough water and resting well. It does not matter how old your child is, you can massage her gently with some ointment. If you massage her well, your child can fall asleep during the process which is actually good because it will help to speed up the healing process. Having cold or flu can make your child (especially, the younger ones) becomes irritable and cranky. As parents you do not want to focus on the negative behavior, but on the source of that behavior. You should remove that bad source that makes your child feels uncomfortable. If you focus on the bad behavior, you might loose your patience with the child because flu can take several days before it can totally go away. You will be exhausted and it is even worst for your child. Your exhaustion may lead to uncaring behavior on your part. That is negative parenting, and needs to be avoided. Always provide positive parenting in no matter the circumstances. Thus, focus on the source, provide the necessary treatments, gives lots of care and love..insyaaAllah, the flu will go away faster than you thought. Good parenting will always help your child to recover faster.

Teach kids to become Positive Commenters

Parents lets teach our kids to pass comments in positive terms. When from young this is what they heard and how they are trained, InsyaaAllah, they will grow-up to be a person who are very careful and wise before uttering their comments. Positive comments are not only nice to hear; it also gives direction and encouragement. It makes a situation comfortable and conducive. A situation or issue may initially be in a negative/bad form, but a positive commenter can still give a positive critic/comment that does not make the other person feels bad or numb. It is professionally stated. The shortcomings of the other person's work is stated in terms of the work not the person (i.e., does not like how weak the personal is). On the contrary, negative comments are not just sickening to hear; it's undermining and makes the commenters look and sound arrogant. There's a possibility too that negative commenters have their own personal issues internally, e.g., inferiority (like want to show off that they know when in reality they don't quite know), or emotionally unstable (like they don't look that good - too short, too tall, too skinny or too fat, don't like their own body, etc). In sum, parents will need to remember that 'a child who grow-up hearing positive comments, will turn-up to become positive commenters as adult."

Remain strong for your child

Sometimes your child will need to handle a situation all by herself/himself. As parents we tend to worry. Your child could be an adult and perhaps already married, but we still worry for them. Your child keeps telling you, "don't worry mum, don't worry dad,I can do it, I am big girl/boy now. Everything will be okay." In an situation when our grown child will be travelling alone from a long distance,and it likes a 23 hours journey from the US to Malaysia, it will surely make us as parents worried for the child's safety. And additionally feeling anxious in waiting for the child's arrival. These feelings is not unusual though. It is in fact very natural. Parents especially mothers have like a 'worry machine' in them. They take precautions in everything. Worrying could therefore, be a good thing. If worry leads parents to be very careful, concern, and think beyond a situation then, it is nothing bad about worrying. Nonetheless, parents should never be worried like a nuisance or break down until it turns a situation worse. Parents should appropriately control their worries; and avoid looking weak or shattered, because that behaviors could bring negative impact on your child. Your child would be sad, anxious or withdrawn, and avoid venturing into some challenging tasks if he/she fears of negative consequences on the part of the parents. This unproductive behavior is definitely not going to be good for the child's development. Therefore no matter how tough a situation is, it is crucial for parents to remain strong and hold themselves up so it could stimulate positive responses from the child. Strong Parents Raise Strong Children.

It has been such a long time I left this blog. Somehow today, I felt like dropping a line or two. My blog is mainly addressing parents with regards to their childrearing behavior. For today, I just wish to say...Parents always use positive approach in your parenting. It does not matter how old your child is. He or she can be 4 years, 14 years or 40 years old. What you say or do to them will have impact on them. So, if you wish your child to be good, you as parent be good first. A good parenting behavior will produce a good child outcome.